i was fiddling with your ring - the ring that signified our relationship not long ago. and then i realized something- something i should have realized from the start.  our relationship had been wearing off like the ring you used to wear.  the outer layer slowly faded- just like your love did.  then there was the crack at the center of the ring on the night you went off for camp-  just like the crack you made at the center of my heart.  after that was the huge dent, which was also similar to the one that was becoming obvious in our relationship.  so i asked myself, '' if only i saw it all coming earlier, would it have changed the way things worked out between us? '' and '' if only i did something to stop all these bad things from happening, would things have worked out in a different way?? '' etc.  it has been exactly a month since the break up and i am still holding on to my promise.  i am still holding on to whatever faith i have left in me, by the way.

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tonight, as you slid the ring back to where it used to belong- my ring finger, i kept asking myself what was the meaning of all that was happening.  is it worth the wait??  is it worth trusting your every word after all the lies you thrusted upon me??  your ''aim'' to clear your mind till the 10th of july yet doing completely the opposite might just be the hint for me to stop the wait and carry on with life, but a promise made is a promise to be kept.  besides, it's not just A promise.  it's about opening another new chapter between us. we've gone through so much, the ups and downs especially.  we've each played our parts breaking each other's hearts, and we've even played our parts in being there for each other when in need.  we've had so many beautiful and horrifying memories together.  we've put up with and accepted one another's pathetic behaviours, m0od swings and emotional turmoils.  we've been to so many places, in hope to have an adventure that is fulfilling enough in 20o9.  we made our resolution together.  we shared dreams together.  we laughed a lot.  we cried in each other's arms.  we teased and laughed at each other.  we put hopes on one another.  we promised.  we yearned for a meaningful relationship.  we planned on our future.  we wanted to do things together.  we did a lot of things together t0o.  we've been through so many new beginnings hand in hand.  we built bridges when we knew there was a need to.  we taught each other new things and learnt so much from one another.  we shared knowledge, love and even life.  i could go on and on if i wanted to, but .........

tonight, you cried and said you were sorry.  tell me how many sorry(s) have we been through yet the same mistakes were repeated over and over like a spoiled tape cassette??  however, i know that i am still able to forgive, forget and start anew.  it's wrong for me to bear a grudge against you.  it's just not right for me to keep talking about the past.  i am still able to give you as many chances as possible, so long as you change for the better one very fine day.  i am not being stupid for holding on.  i'm being strong enough to have let you go and still waiting for you to come back.  i'm not being weak when i cry.  i just miss you t0o much.  anyways, changing for the better doesn't happen overnight- just like how we've built this relationship from scratch.  o911o7 didn't happen because of a miracle, nor by luck.  that is why i know it takes time- nomatter how long- for you to completely change yourself.  vice versa.  i'm trying hard not to be demanding like i used to be t0o.  for that, i owe you my deepest apologies t0o.  i am truly sorry.

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i hope we learn from our past mistakes and make ourselves stronger both inside and out.  i want us to throw our 8th monthsary ring together and start afresh.  throw away all our past pictures.  start anew.  old pictures tell a thousand stories.  let's forget about whatever shit that happened.  let feezady live on like how it used to.....