of all days, today has to be the day some random china man l0ot my hp from inside my pocket while riding near bukit batok area. it's damn freaky and scary to have these kinda cases happening in singapore itself, because as far as i am concerned, this country is free from such looting cases. this is serious. honestly. i am so fcuked up right now. i'm speechless, and uber angry right now!!! when i tried calling my hp number, that sibei lanciao china man talk cock in some china accent that even my friend couldn't understand. so in that case, we walked around asking some chinese people for help to talk to that asshole and make him return the damned phone but he kept saying (in chinese) that he wanted a hundred bucks reward if he returns it. DAMN right?!
after one issue, there props up another issue. a bigger one. from relationship (sungguh-tak-perlu) problems to my property being literally stolen from a foreign l0oter. g0damnit >:[
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i was reading through naurah's blog and i stumbled upon this, ''SMILE EVEN IF YOUR HEART IS ACHING.'' i should start telling that to myself. over and over and over again.
p/s: date today is 11th july. and btw, post is edited and updated at 11.:30 pm :)
i was fiddling with your ring - the ring that signified our relationship not long ago. and then i realized something- something i should have realized from the start. our relationship had been wearing off like the ring you used to wear. the outer layer slowly faded- just like your love did. then there was the crack at the center of the ring on the night you went off for camp- just like the crack you made at the center of my heart. after that was the huge dent, which was also similar to the one that was becoming obvious in our relationship. so i asked myself, '' if only i saw it all coming earlier, would it have changed the way things worked out between us? '' and '' if only i did something to stop all these bad things from happening, would things have worked out in a different way?? '' etc. it has been exactly a month since the break up and i am still holding on to my promise. i am still holding on to whatever faith i have left in me, by the way.
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tonight, as you slid the ring back to where it used to belong- my ring finger, i kept asking myself what was the meaning of all that was happening. is it worth the wait?? is it worth trusting your every word after all the lies you thrusted upon me?? your ''aim'' to clear your mind till the 10th of july yet doing completely the opposite might just be the hint for me to stop the wait and carry on with life, but a promise made is a promise to be kept. besides, it's not just A promise. it's about opening another new chapter between us. we've gone through so much, the ups and downs especially. we've each played our parts breaking each other's hearts, and we've even played our parts in being there for each other when in need. we've had so many beautiful and horrifying memories together. we've put up with and accepted one another's pathetic behaviours, m0od swings and emotional turmoils. we've been to so many places, in hope to have an adventure that is fulfilling enough in 20o9. we made our resolution together. we shared dreams together. we laughed a lot. we cried in each other's arms. we teased and laughed at each other. we put hopes on one another. we promised. we yearned for a meaningful relationship. we planned on our future. we wanted to do things together. we did a lot of things together t0o. we've been through so many new beginnings hand in hand. we built bridges when we knew there was a need to. we taught each other new things and learnt so much from one another. we shared knowledge, love and even life. i could go on and on if i wanted to, but .........
tonight, you cried and said you were sorry. tell me how many sorry(s) have we been through yet the same mistakes were repeated over and over like a spoiled tape cassette?? however, i know that i am still able to forgive, forget and start anew. it's wrong for me to bear a grudge against you. it's just not right for me to keep talking about the past. i am still able to give you as many chances as possible, so long as you change for the better one very fine day. i am not being stupid for holding on. i'm being strong enough to have let you go and still waiting for you to come back. i'm not being weak when i cry. i just miss you t0o much. anyways, changing for the better doesn't happen overnight- just like how we've built this relationship from scratch. o911o7 didn't happen because of a miracle, nor by luck. that is why i know it takes time- nomatter how long- for you to completely change yourself. vice versa. i'm trying hard not to be demanding like i used to be t0o. for that, i owe you my deepest apologies t0o. i am truly sorry.
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i hope we learn from our past mistakes and make ourselves stronger both inside and out. i want us to throw our 8th monthsary ring together and start afresh. throw away all our past pictures. start anew. old pictures tell a thousand stories. let's forget about whatever shit that happened. let feezady live on like how it used to.....
the title is lying. as simple as that. as much as i WANT to enjoy every minute of my singlehood, there will surely come a time when i feel so awefully lonely. i admit i do envy seeing my friends so dang happy with their better halves. i even envy them for having tiffs with their significant halves. that's because they do not realize it NOW that they are lucky enough they are still able to quarrel with their partners, and still get to reminisce about it together in the future. as for me, everything is gone. i've lost everything. i've lost all hope and faith. but l0oking at the brighter side of this, i'm not at a total loss because adie is still my friend and my brother. *sigh* still, things are different that way to0. i don't even dare get near him ohok.
it's not that i haven't moved on, but i just feel that things can be VERY lonely compared to when i was attached. hmm.... i know this is part and parcel of life. guess i still have a lot of adjusting to do huh?? adie, i want to see you happy with the one that you love. though your girl is bearing hatred towards me for dono-what-reason-oso, i don't have anything personal against her. let HER be the reason you wanna live through every day of your life. let HER be the reason you can't wait to go to work every single day of your life. let HER be the reason you love your life. let HER be the reason you laugh and smile. it's ohok to let go- i tell myself. it's just difficult to forget about the past.
oh g0d, now I'M crying. lol. guess those memories just came fl0oding back huh?? guess so. luckily i've deleted my multiply and photobucket a/c. as for my imeem a/c, i can't seem to cancel my subscription. dang. i still have to delete our photos from my imeem and webshots a/c. hmmm... leceh or what?? ahhh anyways adie, thanks for the happy drink tonight. yes, i met him. abe asl eh? haha. somehow, that oreo crush did make me feel a bit better. g0od night :)
i have to start prioritising my studies because my O levels are just around the corner. in about 9 weeks from now, my future is in my own hands. i have to decide what is best for me. i've been spending more time choosing the alternatives on the net- blogging, to be precise, rather than mugging. i have yet to burn the midnight oil because assignments are piling up real fast ever since the start of school reopen. i have to learn prioritising whatever is important to me. omg. i don't want to screw my own future. i have yet a long way to go in life, and i should not ruin any opportunity that comes in my way. sadly, i'm such a slow learner that i feel i'm left so far behind. oh g0odness :(
right. no time to be all emotional about this. i'm glad enough i've already created a new msn a/c for myself. i'll be deleting my old a/c only when ALL my contacts have added me on *******************@live.com. do add me up if you guys are in my contact list ohok? cause i seriously want to erase off everything that links to my past with an ex. i have finally fulfilled my promise of creating a new blog on onsugar.com, but i have yet to delete my previous blog completely. now, i'm off to study. i have to complete all given assignments before i go crazy- literally :/
